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Lately, I’ve been asking myself a question I know so many of us have thought at some point: Why am I depressed? If you’ve ever felt like this heavy, can’t-seem-to-move-forward kind of sadness that lingers no matter how much you try to shake it off, in this post, I’m sharing a unique perspective on depression based on personal experiences and what you can do to take back control.<h3>&nbsp; Everything Feels Out Of Control And Hopeless</h3><figure id="figure-cfa4l2oj24m7uaue91"><img id="cfa4l2oj24m7uaue91" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/28x5vFPdY1gLbiOaR043iInb2itPzP6Q1v1IEuXHvQM7odus6JIVLt6ZTIfbn3mJ.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 20%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="20%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/28x5vFPdY1gLbiOaR043iInb2itPzP6Q1v1IEuXHvQM7odus6JIVLt6ZTIfbn3mJ.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 20%;"></figure> One of the biggest reasons I’ve felt depressed recently is the overwhelming feeling that so much in my life is out of my control. Whether it’s career uncertainty, financial stress, or not knowing what’s coming next, that sense of helplessness can be exhausting.If you’re struggling with this, here’s what can help:<ul><li>Identify what you can control – When everything feels chaotic, find even the smallest things within your power. It could be organising your space, setting a daily routine, or just eating breakfast. We often dismiss these steps but everyone one of them is a small win. </li></ul><ul><li>Take things one step at a time – Instead of trying to fix everything at once, focus on the next right step. For example I was broke and struggling financially. I couldn't afford to buy new clothes but I could go to the charity shop. Progress happens in small, manageable actions.</li></ul> <h3>You're Not Where You Want To Be&nbsp;</h3><figure id="figure-z8ksuevdzlm7uawadt"><img id="z8ksuevdzlm7uawadt" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/0QicWz2unuHr6qENsiTRyuOMEYhH3S2lzFj8JRNXWJrTFj4JWwwqKCean4YAb7dF.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/0QicWz2unuHr6qENsiTRyuOMEYhH3S2lzFj8JRNXWJrTFj4JWwwqKCean4YAb7dF.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>A lot of us have been conditioned to believe that success should look a certain way—hit this milestone by 25, achieve that goal by 30. And when we don’t meet those invisible deadlines, we start feeling like failures.Here’s how to stop letting unrealistic expectations hold you back:<ul><li>Recognise the progress you’ve already made – Instead of focusing on what you haven’t done, look at how far you’ve come. Even if you only brush your teeth today, every step forward, no matter how small, is still progress.</li></ul><ul><li>Challenge the ‘timeline’ in your head – Who said you needed to have it all figured out by now? A lot of us feel under so much pressure to have everything figured out but the reality is life is uncertain, and that’s okay. It’s about learning to sit with the discomfort without letting it define you. </li></ul><ul><li>Redefine what success means for you - Success isn’t just a job title, a salary, or a LinkedIn update. It's also getting out of bed when you don’t feel like it, sending that email you’ve been dreading, or simply making it through the day.</li></ul><h3>&nbsp; Nobody Understands What You're Going Through</h3><figure id="figure-ctb20t2zim7ub2afy"><img id="ctb20t2zim7ub2afy" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/30GUkPtM8KBjwUTHbLQMH7FGuoLrEoVVUA7ee8KTlSQajGO6YNGymFZ3qeXFqmun.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 20% 25%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="20%" data-positiony="25%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/30GUkPtM8KBjwUTHbLQMH7FGuoLrEoVVUA7ee8KTlSQajGO6YNGymFZ3qeXFqmun.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 20% 25%;"></figure> When you’re struggling, it’s easy to withdraw. You tell yourself no one understands, no one really gets what you’re going through. But the truth is, so many people feel this way—we just don’t talk about it enough.If you’re feeling alone in your experience, here’s what might help:<ul><li>Consume content that makes you feel seen – Sometimes, hearing someone else’s experience can help validate your own. Listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, or read stories from people who’ve been where you are.</li></ul><ul><li>Find a way to be heard &nbsp;– You don’t need to be “fixed.” You just need to be heard. Seek out people and spaces that allow you to feel that. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">Whether it’s therapy, a support group, or even an online community, connection matters.</li></ul>&nbsp; <h3>Final Thoughts&nbsp;</h3><figure id="figure-yz9884oavm7ub5n30"><img id="yz9884oavm7ub5n30" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Depression can make it feel like nothing will ever change, but that’s not true. You can move forward, even if it’s just one tiny step at a time.Here’s what to remember:<ul><li>You have more control than you think – Even if it’s just over small things, reclaiming that power can make a difference.</li></ul><ul><li>You don’t have to meet anyone else’s timeline – Success, healing, and growth happen at your own pace.</li></ul><ul><li><strong style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">You’re not the only one feeling this way<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);"> – Connection is important, and you don’t have to do this alone.</li></ul> If today’s post resonated with you, you can listen to the full episode of <a data-mce-href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Cj2aChr1WexrJ1DNosHoN?si=d15a4e71c6a846f6" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Cj2aChr1WexrJ1DNosHoN?si=d15a4e71c6a846f6" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Deborah Missengue Podcast</a>. * Please note The Deborah Missengue Podcast content is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment

How To Navigate Depression

Have you ever felt like no one believes in you? Like the people you thought would support you—friends, family, even professionals—are the ones making you doubt yourself the most?&nbsp;In this post, I’m breaking down why we struggle to believe in ourselves, how external voices shape our self-doubt, and how to take back control of your own story.<h3>Stop Letting Other People Define You</h3><figure id="figure-eij24ymkccm7nisnfc"><img id="eij24ymkccm7nisnfc" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2edC9HYxtPnYeFpjhs8JlgaqVDEt9U8PXjPYdZvKZrlakrBZiyqSCQhB2SgGylkE.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 20%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="20%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2edC9HYxtPnYeFpjhs8JlgaqVDEt9U8PXjPYdZvKZrlakrBZiyqSCQhB2SgGylkE.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 20%;"></figure>It’s one thing to get constructive feedback. But when people constantly doubt your abilities—whether it’s family members questioning your career choices or even a therapist invalidating your dreams—you start to internalise their doubts as your own. Here’s how to stop external opinions from taking over:<ul><li>Not everyone’s opinion is valid – Just because someone has an opinion about your life doesn’t mean it’s accurate. Learn to filter out voices that don’t align with your goals.</li></ul><ul><li>Consider where their doubt comes from – People often project their own fears onto you. If they don’t believe in themselves, they may struggle to believe in you.</li></ul><ul><li>Protect your dreams – Be selective about who you share your goals with. Some people won’t understand, and that’s okay.</li></ul><h3>Recognise When Fear Is Calling The Shots&nbsp;</h3><figure id="figure-8f3ypvwnem7niurl7"><img id="8f3ypvwnem7niurl7" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1c3Jnm3zZ3AzQsJXHWqyC3DsNCdrS5NDOoYYFlZG3S3qlF1fsQNXdytCvMFQz8pZ.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1c3Jnm3zZ3AzQsJXHWqyC3DsNCdrS5NDOoYYFlZG3S3qlF1fsQNXdytCvMFQz8pZ.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>One of the biggest reasons we don’t believe in ourselves? Fear. Fear of failing, fear of what people will think, fear of making the wrong choice. And fear has a sneaky way of making us gaslight ourselves into thinking we don’t want what we actually want. Here’s how to push past it:<ul><li>Look at your patterns – If you always pull back from opportunities, switch paths, or hesitate when things get real, it’s worth asking: Am I actually lost, or just scared?</li></ul><ul><li>Break the cycle of second-guessing – When you keep changing your mind about what you want, it’s often because fear is making you avoid commitment.</li></ul><ul><li><strong style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">Give yourself permission to try<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);"> – You don’t have to have all the answers right now. You just have to be willing to take the next step.</li></ul><h3>Reconnect With What Excites You</h3><figure id="figure-0ymu8r28ekm7nixjqi"><img id="0ymu8r28ekm7nixjqi" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/8UwHc9cKslqcikuPhhE564vsqo9lTBgFzXXqVy67AfMJNHdsvfdEz0inN3ZsisyC.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 85% 40%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="85%" data-positiony="40%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/8UwHc9cKslqcikuPhhE564vsqo9lTBgFzXXqVy67AfMJNHdsvfdEz0inN3ZsisyC.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 85% 40%;"></figure>When self-doubt takes over, it can feel like you’ve lost yourself. You start to forget your own strengths, your own accomplishments, and even who you really are. That’s why regaining confidence isn’t just about motivation—it’s about remembering who you are. Here’s how to start:<ul><li>Keep a ‘proof bank’ – Write down moments when you succeeded, when you overcame something hard, when you proved yourself wrong. Keep it somewhere visible as a reminder that you can do it.</li></ul><ul><li>Get back in touch with your goals – What do you actually enjoy? What lights you up? Sometimes, we get so lost in other people’s opinions that we forget what we love.</li></ul><ul><li><strong style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">Take small wins seriously<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);"> – Confidence doesn’t come from waiting until you feel “ready.” It comes from taking action, even when you’re scared.</li></ul> <h3>Final Thoughts</h3><figure id="figure-axu2enw63m7nizy2f"><img id="axu2enw63m7nizy2f" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>At the end of the day, the only person who truly knows what you’re capable of is you. If you’ve been doubting yourself because of external opinions, fear, or self-gaslighting, it’s time to take back control. Here’s what to remember:<ul><li>Other people don’t get to define you – Their doubts are not your truth.</li></ul><ul><li>Fear doesn’t mean stop—it means push forward – Most of the time, what we’re scared of is exactly what we should be chasing.</li></ul><ul><li><strong data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">You’ve succeeded before—you’ll succeed again<span data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);"> – Remind yourself of past wins, and trust that you have what it takes.</li></ul> If today’s post resonated with you, here’s how you can explore these ideas further you can listen to the full episode on <a data-mce-href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/3gbG4wxhYLmBPLR5eHeyAo?si=b81896e7b35f4186" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/3gbG4wxhYLmBPLR5eHeyAo?si=b81896e7b35f4186" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">The Deborah Missengue Podcast</a>. Remember, you are more capable than you believe. It’s time to start trusting yourself again.

How to Stop Doubting Yourself

Let’s be real: rejection sucks. Last week, I applied for a £500 business grant and thought I nailed it. I did everything right—I prepped my application, met the criteria, and walked out of the meeting convinced I’d smashed it. Then the rejection email came in, and I was gutted.If you’ve ever felt like you’ve done everything you could and still didn’t get the outcome you wanted, you’ll know exactly what I mean. In this post, I’m sharing three big lessons I’ve learned about rejection—how to process it, learn from it, and ultimately use it as a stepping stone to move forward.<h3>Rejection Isn’t Criticism—It’s Feedback</h3><figure id="figure-oipwquifpm697vmb0"><img id="oipwquifpm697vmb0" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1czvoGnwnNDAoXHbvwLJU55gjeeCls1XddZEjgM9nPEh3vL3sJ3QbqQDcZxoaoXN.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1czvoGnwnNDAoXHbvwLJU55gjeeCls1XddZEjgM9nPEh3vL3sJ3QbqQDcZxoaoXN.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>When we get rejected, it’s easy to take it personally and think, what’s wrong with me? But rejection is often an opportunity to learn. It’s not always about you failing—it’s about figuring out what didn’t work and how you can improve. Here’s how to see rejection as feedback:<ul><li>Separate the emotion from the lesson: It’s normal to feel hurt or frustrated, but once you’ve processed those emotions, look at the situation objectively. What can you learn from this experience?</li></ul><ul><li>Reflect on the situation: Not every rejection means you did something wrong. Sometimes, the opportunity wasn’t the right fit for you either. Was there anything about the role, opportunity, or process that didn’t sit well with you?&nbsp;</li></ul><ul><li>Rejection as growth: While it can feel like a knockdown, rejection also builds resilience. Ask yourself: What’s one thing I can take away from this experience to work on moving forward?&nbsp;</li></ul><h3>The Fear of Trying Again</h3><figure id="figure-pnipsqm0vm69803p4"><img id="pnipsqm0vm69803p4" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/34C4XPOznwWfLhR5ZO9dsQJUeE0WOGPYgknxqUIeKWrhLbxSEv2fhCxkcmT0A46l.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/34C4XPOznwWfLhR5ZO9dsQJUeE0WOGPYgknxqUIeKWrhLbxSEv2fhCxkcmT0A46l.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>One of the hardest parts about rejection is finding the courage to try again. After getting knocked down, it can feel pointless to keep going—what’s the point if you’ll just fail again? But trying isn’t a one-time event; it’s a process.Here’s how to face the fear of trying again:<ul><li>Listen to others: Try asking a friend, colleague, or even watch a video of someone sharing their rejection. Seeing that you’re not alone can help you feel less isolated and more comfortable trying again.</li></ul><ul><li>Lean on others: When we face rejection, it’s easy to become isolated, but you don’t have to go through this alone. Sometimes just talking to friends, &nbsp;family or journalling your experience can lighten the burden. </li></ul><ul><li>Remember past successes: Create a "success bank" where you jot down achievements you’re proud of—big or small—and keep it somewhere visible. This is your reminder that you’ve succeeded before and can do it again.</li></ul><h3>Change What’s Not Working</h3><figure id="figure-1362ens8qkm6981wn3"><img id="1362ens8qkm6981wn3" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/bKKtgMzfZ62VzlNHyAXudAO53FTYnlqwT0E2tFSgqTWwR5Eb8vHRtRAOH2h726VX.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 10% 20%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="10%" data-positiony="20%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/bKKtgMzfZ62VzlNHyAXudAO53FTYnlqwT0E2tFSgqTWwR5Eb8vHRtRAOH2h726VX.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 10% 20%;"></figure>Rejection can be a sign that it’s time to switch things up. If the same old approach isn’t getting you anywhere, maybe it’s time to try something new. Here’s how to reassess and pivot:<ul><li>Be real with yourself: Check in and think about what you're good at, what’s been tough, and what you could do differently next time. Being honest about where you’re at can help you figure out where to focus next.</li></ul><ul><li>Talk it out with a friend: Sometimes, chatting with someone outside your circle like a mentor, friend, or just someone who gets it. &nbsp;They might see things you’ve missed or throw out new ideas that could work better.</li></ul><ul><li>Keep an open mind : Sometimes rejection might actually be pushing you toward something better. Instead of stressing over what you can’t control, focus on how you can be ready for what’s next.</li></ul><h3>Final Thoughts</h3><figure id="figure-fveuyalvcm69852rv"><img id="fveuyalvcm69852rv" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Rejection is tough, but it’s also normal. Everyone experiences it, whether it’s from jobs, relationships, or personal goals. What matters is how you choose to move forward.Here are some final takeaways:<ul><li>Rejection is normal: It’s part of life, not a reflection of your worth.</li></ul><ul><li>Keep trying: Persistence leads to growth, even if it doesn’t always feel that way in the moment.</li></ul><ul><li>Change is okay: If something isn’t working, don’t be afraid to try a different approach.</li></ul>If today’s post resonated with you can listen to the full episode of The Deborah Missengue Podcast on <a data-mce-href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/4pYXAJpdDYcmT9Za3VY1ZW?si=0ea870fcd4d146de" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/4pYXAJpdDYcmT9Za3VY1ZW?si=0ea870fcd4d146de">Spotify</a>, <a data-mce-href="https://youtu.be/_hAsK_WCblk?si=cX4R9H3nq6RAYF0g" href="https://youtu.be/_hAsK_WCblk?si=cX4R9H3nq6RAYF0g">Youtube</a> or <a data-mce-href="https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-working-20s/id1739962706?i=1000684074456" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-working-20s/id1739962706?i=1000684074456">Apple Podcasts</a>.Remember, rejection isn’t the end—it’s a new beginning. Let’s take the lessons and move forward together.

How To Handle Rejection & Keep Moving Forward

I don’t know about you guys, but the end of 2024 was a real mess for me. You know? It was one of those years where I kept hitting the same walls, making the same mistakes, and feeling like I was just not moving forward.But here’s the thing—I learned a lot. &nbsp;So, I’m sharing the three biggest lessons I learned to help you understand your own wants, &nbsp;needs and create systems that actually work for you.<h3>Build a Routine That Works for You</h3><figure id="figure-zv4lq8bszmm5r2bq0q"><img id="zv4lq8bszmm5r2bq0q" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/dcIpVwNkZadDpLdqqjevxEWegEEixBdbbNtMkICQhwAvHV1RySFi9tFAuHmZLsaz.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 20%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="20%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/dcIpVwNkZadDpLdqqjevxEWegEEixBdbbNtMkICQhwAvHV1RySFi9tFAuHmZLsaz.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 20%;"></figure>Everyone has a different style when it comes to managing their time and getting things done. Some people thrive on 9-to-5, &nbsp;others work best in the mornings or evenings only. Instead of forcing yourself to fit into someone else’s idea of productivity, here’s how you can rethink your daily routine:<ul><li>Work around your needs: Identify the times of day or week when you’re at your best and plan your work or personal tasks around them.</li></ul><ul><li>Start small: Make one or two adjustments to your schedule and observe the difference. Small changes can have a big impact over time.</li><li>Drop the guilt: You’re not failing if you don’t follow someone else’s idea of productivity. Success looks different for everyone. </li></ul><h3>Play to Your Strengths</h3><figure id="figure-f3m80ijeysm5r2mju5"><img id="f3m80ijeysm5r2mju5" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2dD3TecRIWYxSVrlU1fH3nkAziIgVkNVuMVmPu6l9q0JNODAeDiZ06Vyelj3qCUn.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2dD3TecRIWYxSVrlU1fH3nkAziIgVkNVuMVmPu6l9q0JNODAeDiZ06Vyelj3qCUn.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Many of us spend too much time trying to improve in areas where we’re not naturally strong, instead of focusing on what we already excel at. By leaning into your strengths, you’ll feel more energised and effective.Here’s how to focus on what you do best:<ul><li>Recognise what isn’t working: If certain tasks drain you or feel unnatural, consider whether they’re worth your energy.</li></ul><ul><li>Delegate or collaborate: You don’t have to be good at everything. Partner with others who excel in areas where you struggle.</li></ul><ul><li>Invest in what excites you: Think about the activities you genuinely enjoy and feel confident doing. How can you spend more time on those areas?</li></ul> <h3>Understand What You Really Want</h3><figure id="figure-6hgcq5pwerm5r2sx3l"><img id="6hgcq5pwerm5r2sx3l" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/115R0cpqYTDWFArwhWVkOoBfwujgpMtfcgSAy7T9xXZPFfzOw7RcDU9QKi0hEgKZ.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/115R0cpqYTDWFArwhWVkOoBfwujgpMtfcgSAy7T9xXZPFfzOw7RcDU9QKi0hEgKZ.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Have you ever agreed to something, only to later realise it wasn’t what you wanted? It’s so easy to get caught up in other people’s needs and expectations, especially when you’re not clear about your own. Here’s how you can start spending more time on understanding yourself:<ul><li>Pause before saying yes: Instead of agreeing to things immediately, give yourself a moment to think. Ask yourself, Do I actually want to do this? Will this help me get closer to my goals?</li></ul><ul><li>Notice when you feel resentful: Feeling frustrated after agreeing to something is a sign that it may not align with your needs. Use this as a chance to reflect and adjust next time.</li></ul><ul><li>Learn from past experiences: Think back to times when you agreed to something and later regretted it. What led to that decision, and how could you handle it differently in the future?</li></ul> <h3>Final Thoughts</h3><figure id="figure-a6j4skt1sim5r2ytiy"><img id="a6j4skt1sim5r2ytiy" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>As you step into the new year, remember that growth takes time, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. Whether it’s understanding your needs, building routines that work for you, or leaning into your strengths, the key is to keep moving forward with intention and self-compassion.Here are a few final takeaways:<ul><li>Mistakes are lessons: Every misstep is an opportunity to learn.</li></ul><ul><li>Work with yourself, not against yourself: Build a life that fits your unique needs and strengths.</li></ul><ul><li>Focus on progress, not perfection: Growth happens in small, consistent steps.</li></ul>If you want to hear more about these reflections and how to apply them in your own life, &nbsp;you can listen to the full episode of <a data-mce-href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/6CVYJulTrHcQFPBZGO61CU?si=b005854a29e348e0" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/6CVYJulTrHcQFPBZGO61CU?si=b005854a29e348e0" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">The Deborah Missengue Podcast﻿</a>&nbsp;on Spotify or <a data-mce-href="https://working20s.setmore.com/book?step=time-slot&amp;products=15397abf-8aea-463a-8924-4877b3d45d83&amp;type=service&amp;staff=35688a5f-08b9-4c27-8ae8-0801014d98f7&amp;staffSelected=true" href="https://working20s.setmore.com/book?step=time-slot&amp;products=15397abf-8aea-463a-8924-4877b3d45d83&amp;type=service&amp;staff=35688a5f-08b9-4c27-8ae8-0801014d98f7&amp;staffSelected=true">book yourself</a> in for a 1:1 chat with the host. Let’s make 2025 a year of meaningful growth together!

3 Lifestyle Changes to TRY This New Year

Today’s blog is inspired by a very personal struggle I’ve faced: How do I separate my work life from my home life? If you’re someone who’s also struggling to manage your emotions at work, especially when your home life feels chaotic, this episode is for you.For a long time, I believed that I had to be okay all the time—showing up at work with a brave face, even when things at home were overwhelming. But the truth is, it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t always have to show up 100%, and it’s essential to learn how to communicate your needs at work when things get tough.<h3>1. Realise that you're not okay</h3><figure id="figure-6ra2r2jg1pm2nn2ew9"><img id="6ra2r2jg1pm2nn2ew9" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1f0pQjtG9IH9zW9i3wo2KE58dwIv1iVx9ZCFtF6uBr0U105LbPPBLI4DPWdKjA2q.png" alt="three men sitting while using laptops and watching man beside whiteboard" title="three men sitting while using laptops and watching man beside whiteboard" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 50%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="50%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1f0pQjtG9IH9zW9i3wo2KE58dwIv1iVx9ZCFtF6uBr0U105LbPPBLI4DPWdKjA2q.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 50%;"></figure>Before you can effectively manage the balance between work and home life, you need to check in with yourself. Ask yourself: Am I okay? Many of us ignore our own needs, focusing on others or trying to push through, but this only leads to burnout.<ul><li>Recognise when you’re struggling: It’s easy to push difficult emotions aside, but that only builds up stress in the long run. Start by being honest with yourself.</li></ul><ul><li>It’s okay to not be okay: You don’t have to be perfect or act like everything’s fine all the time. Acknowledging that you’re struggling is the first step toward regaining control.</li></ul><ul><li>Take care of your emotional health: If you don’t prioritise your own wellbeing, it will affect both your personal life and your work performance. Self-awareness is key to knowing when it’s time to make a change.</li></ul><h3> 2. Start Setting Boundaries For Yourself</h3><figure id="figure-t2qmkme4e8m2nn401l"><img id="t2qmkme4e8m2nn401l" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/35HZCY8Yuf4htu0npL8xRD5Ex4NSCNjzxkhsLt8Q6Z24PJFvYnW0guS8ZvbTgQmE.png" alt="woman in white shirt using smartphone" title="woman in white shirt using smartphone" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 60% 30%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="60%" data-positiony="30%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/35HZCY8Yuf4htu0npL8xRD5Ex4NSCNjzxkhsLt8Q6Z24PJFvYnW0guS8ZvbTgQmE.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 60% 30%;"></figure> One of the most significant challenges I faced was recognising that I wasn’t setting healthy boundaries between my personal life and work. I was constantly juggling phone calls, family responsibilities, and personal issues while at work, which led to exhaustion and frustration.&nbsp;The reality is that work isn’t designed to handle emotions. It’s a place where professionalism is expected, and the focus is often on the client or the company, not on your emotional state.<ul><li>Establish clear boundaries: Make a conscious effort to limit personal distractions during work hours. This might mean avoiding non-urgent phone calls or setting specific times when you’re unavailable.</li></ul><ul><li>Know what you need: In my case, it involved having a conversation with my manager to explain my situation as a full-time carer. I asked for specific accommodations that would help me manage both my work and home responsibilities effectively.</li></ul><h3> 3. Communicate How You're Feeling at Work</h3><figure id="figure-g84g56ri7m2nn4hne"><img id="g84g56ri7m2nn4hne" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/dnCKvzqsMp6aSFJA7w76pKumbf1kBse60kpdJHWef6u3DDxvZnS5QwVHPXyTV0ke.png" alt="two women sitting beside table and talking" title="two women sitting beside table and talking" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/dnCKvzqsMp6aSFJA7w76pKumbf1kBse60kpdJHWef6u3DDxvZnS5QwVHPXyTV0ke.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"></figure> For a long time, I believed that I had to be okay at work, no matter what was happening in my personal life. I didn’t share what I was going through with anyone—whether it was family drama, caregiving duties, or the general stress of life. But over time, I realised that this wasn’t sustainable.<ul><li>Don’t hide what you’re going through: Eventually, I couldn’t keep pretending. Colleagues noticed that I wasn’t myself, and I couldn’t keep up the act.</li></ul><ul><li>Communicate your struggles: While you don’t need to tell everyone, having one trusted colleague or manager to confide in made a huge difference for me. It allowed me to feel seen and heard, and helped me manage my emotions at work. </li></ul><h3>Final Thoughts </h3><figure id="figure-80jh5njlxm2nn7f50"><img id="80jh5njlxm2nn7f50" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" alt="three people sitting in front of table laughing together" title="three people sitting in front of table laughing together" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"></figure>If you’re feeling overwhelmed trying to balance home and work life, learning to communicate your needs is crucial. Here are some key takeaways to help you navigate this challenging balance:<ul><li>Be self-aware: Regularly check in with yourself. Ask, Am I okay? If the answer is no, take steps to address your emotional health and communicate your needs.</li></ul><ul><li>Set boundaries: Clearly define when you are available and when you need space to manage personal issues, both at work and home.</li></ul><ul><li>Communicate: Find someone at work—a manager or a colleague—whom you can talk to about what’s going on. You don’t have to share every detail, but being open can help create a more supportive environment.</li></ul>You can listen to the full episode of <a data-mce-href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/575qviWuBQ2fLk2p8iLCT5?si=834a4ba3e92d4a3a" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/575qviWuBQ2fLk2p8iLCT5?si=834a4ba3e92d4a3a">The Deborah Missengue Podcas</a>t on Spotify for more insights into balancing home and work life.

A Quick Introduction To Setting Boundaries

Today we’re diving into a big question that’s been on my mind lately: Should I go self-employed? This comes off the back of a very recent decision I made to quit my 9-5 job and pursue self-employment for the first time. So, if you’re considering self-employment, feeling unsure, or just curious about what it’s like, sit back and let’s explore this together.<h3>The Loneliness of Being Different</h3><figure id="figure-ckpv8yx324m2mgtit6"><img id="ckpv8yx324m2mgtit6" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2eBmW0SHdHSOG2T5qbl496qKEca8sgaxbp5WqXMiPQyfqq2mPLUWfQUpnTaY2GgA.png" alt="man standing in front of people sitting beside table with laptop computers" title="man standing in front of people sitting beside table with laptop computers" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 55% 15%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="55%" data-positiony="15%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2eBmW0SHdHSOG2T5qbl496qKEca8sgaxbp5WqXMiPQyfqq2mPLUWfQUpnTaY2GgA.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 55% 15%;"></figure> When I first started thinking about going self-employed, it was really confusing and isolating. I looked around at my work environment and didn’t see anyone who shared my interest in business ownership or freelancing. It felt like I was the only one who wanted something different, and that was tough. Everything changed, however, when I attended an event for people interested in starting a buisness. It was the first time I sat in a room full of people who felt exactly the way I did. That was huge. Before that, I had felt so out of place trying to talk about business to people who didn’t understand. So here’s what I realised:<ul><li>Being different can feel alienating, especially when you’re surrounded by people who don’t get it. But just because it’s different, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.</li></ul><ul><li>The fear of leaving stability: Moving away from the comfort of a full-time job, with its predictable paycheques and structure, was daunting. But I had to tune out the noise and listen to what I really wanted. </li></ul><ul><li>Find your community: If you’re feeling isolated or misunderstood, maybe it’s not you—it could be that you’re surrounded by the wrong people. Seek out like-minded individuals who share your vision.</li></ul> <h3>The Balancing Act: Full-time Job vs Full-time Dream</h3><figure id="figure-tzdmdhvytdm2mgv5we"><img id="tzdmdhvytdm2mgv5we" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/292ifHF9AjrD0wfxORhmDSGHKB8i2J0y4GvlXKP1rfP8Sb9p7BPH2EllInofhlry.png" alt="person holding string lights" title="person holding string lights" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/292ifHF9AjrD0wfxORhmDSGHKB8i2J0y4GvlXKP1rfP8Sb9p7BPH2EllInofhlry.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"></figure> Trying to juggle a full-time job and a side business was exhausting. I was physically and mentally drained from working Monday to Thursday in a role that didn’t fulfill me, and then trying to work on my business in my spare time. The reality is, this balancing act isn’t for everyone. If you're struggling to work full time and balance your buisness:<ul><li>You’re not alone: Realising there are others out there like you can be incredibly reassuring. You’re not crazy or weird for feeling exhausted.</li></ul><ul><li>Recognise what drains you: If your full-time job is taking too much out of you and leaving no room for your passion, it might be time to reassess.</li></ul><ul><li>Small, part-time jobs can help: When I realised I couldn’t balance both, I decided to look for a part-time role to cover minimum expenses while focusing on my business.</li></ul><h3>&nbsp;Overcoming Fear: How I Made the Leap</h3><figure id="figure-iadcejviom2mgymxm"><img id="iadcejviom2mgymxm" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1dBKm5Hyy7xUA6BwT1J8HwDu3aPOoV1Fxrg53F9xEhd3SvYbeLKH8pzveDDsqFRY.png" alt="people sitting on chair in front of table while holding pens during daytime" title="people sitting on chair in front of table while holding pens during daytime" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 40%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="40%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1dBKm5Hyy7xUA6BwT1J8HwDu3aPOoV1Fxrg53F9xEhd3SvYbeLKH8pzveDDsqFRY.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 40%;"></figure>I eventually reached a breaking point where I couldn’t ignore my own feelings anymore. Even though everyone around me was saying, “You need another job lined up,” I knew that continuing in my 9-5 wasn’t going to work for me. Here are some things that helped me decide:<ul><li>Listen to yourself: Only you know your limits, your dreams, and your pain threshold. It’s important to stop seeking validation from others and trust your gut.</li></ul><ul><li>There’s no one way to go self-employed: I had to accept that my journey into self-employment wouldn’t look like anyone else’s, and that’s okay.</li></ul><ul><li>Accept the fear: It’s normal to be scared. Fear is part of the process when you’re starting something new.</li></ul><ul><li><strong style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">Take action despite fear:<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);"> I was so nervous to resign that I scheduled my resignation email for the next morning just so I couldn’t change my mind. It was terrifying, but necessary.</li></ul> <h3>Final Thoughts</h3><figure id="figure-t5hcxmizqm2mh6n4r"><img id="t5hcxmizqm2mh6n4r" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" alt="black smartphone near person" title="black smartphone near person" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-sm md:rounded-md lg:rounded-lg" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3bUjRRVN1KlNnt7JEilqpwtB5hNRj7nAhbrK4ouoeN2bDABeZhpHeRLaDDdwNLqw.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"></figure> If you’re at a crossroads, thinking about whether to stay in a stable job or take the leap into self-employment, here are some key reflections to help guide your decision:Listen to your inner voice: Take a step back from all the external opinions and really think, Is this the right decision for me?Embrace the fear: Fear is natural, but it doesn’t have to hold you back. Acknowledge it, but don’t let it stop you from pursuing what feels right.You can listen to the full episode of <a data-mce-href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/71mBtGALxN7rtyzOHTZSj1?si=800cd5c98e5f4fb9" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/71mBtGALxN7rtyzOHTZSj1?si=800cd5c98e5f4fb9" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">The Deborah Missengue Podcast ﻿</a>on Spotify for more insights.

Resources

How To Navigate Depression

How to Stop Doubting Yourself

How To Handle Rejection & Keep Moving Forward

3 Lifestyle Changes to TRY This New Year

A Quick Introduction To Setting Boundaries

How To Start Your Buisness Today